Sunday, August 31, 2008

Trying something "new"

So, we're trying something we haven't done in a while.

Something I complain about a lot and generally detest.

We're cooking at home!



Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate cooking. I'm not sure why. I guess it just seems like one more chore (and it messes up the kitchen.)

But we're trying to save money, so we went shopping last night and actualy DIDN'T fill the cart up with stuff from the freezer section! We bought "real" food! (I felt so grown up! ;-)

I know we got stuck in a rut of just getting easy-to-make meals (that are easy to eat with one hand, since that's how you do almost everything when you have a baby). So now we're trying to get out of that rut.

So no more frozen pizzas, no more t.v. dinners. (at least not multiple times a week.)

Now we have chicken breasts, ground turkey and pot roast (and all the other crap that goes with it).

I'll be taking volunteers to come over and actually make this stuff into a decent meal. ;-)

Friday, August 29, 2008

Let's talk about guilt.

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling guilty about almost EVERY little thing that has to do with my kid or my house.

If I let the dishes pile up: guilt.

If I can't remember the last time I vaccumed or dusted: guilt.

If I feed my girl anything out of the freezer or from a drive-thru: guilt.

If I go upstairs to check on her, and realize she has taken it upon herself to remove her own diaper: guilt. (And a little bit of "Oh crap!!")

But.......why? I mean, EVERY mom (and dad) has done this or had this happen to them. Why do we feel so guilty and ashamed over it? It's just life, right? Do we REALLY hold ourselves to the stereotypical 1950's standard? And if we realize that that is just plain rediculous and we're not always going to be able to keep a spotless house and make homemade meals all day and look clean and presentable, then why do we feel so bad about it when we can't do that?

I don't know.......I've come to embrace my laziness. Yes, I still feel guilt over the things I mentioned above, but then I stop to think: would *I* judge another parent for doing those exact things? Or would I think "Ah! I'm not alone!!"

Yet I still can't shake the guilty feelings.

I guess I just have to keep telling myself that it's just normal life. Maybe the guilt is a way to keep myself from becoming too lazy. (If I feel bad enough about the kitchen looking like a disaster, it'll at least motivate me to clean it. And then I feel better b/c I have a clean kitchen!)

Maybe the guilt is a side effect of the depression? Or maybe the depression worsened because of the guilt? (which came first, the chicken or the egg?)

Either way, I guess my only remedy is saying, "screw it. I'm too tired to cook, clean or shower right now. Let's see what's on t.v." and go on another day, feeling slightly guilty about 'normal' life.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

What prompted me to start this blog?

I'm not sure exactly. Lord knows I spend enough time on the computer. I may as well share my thoughts with whoever will listen. So this is my first official "blog".

I'm not sure how often I'll keep up with it, but (as most people who know me well enough know) I like to voice my opinion and tell people what I'm thinking. So here goes.

I spend most of my days in my pajamas, sitting in a dirty house, listening to The Wiggles (or some other kids show) while my 19 month old daughter plays and generally gets on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces and she is the best thing in the world! But....she's still a kid and let's face can be annoying sometimes.

Even though I wouldn't change anything for the world, I sometimes miss the freedom I once had. For instance, I miss being able to take a nap whenever I damn well please. I miss going to the movies. I miss having uninterrupted conversations with my husband and friends. But....those days are over (for now) and I'm generally okay with that.

I say 'generally' because, in addition to the normal woes of parenthood, I am dealing with Postpartum Depression.

So I guess that's why I started blogging. To get things off my chest and (hopefully) help anyone else out there dealing with depression. So that's it. This isn't going to be a 'touchy-feely' blog, mostly because I'm not a 'touchy-feely' kind of person. I'm hoping that, like with everything else in my life, I can deal with this through a lot of humor and a little bit of cynicism. Or maybe I can just use it as an excuse to be lazy! ;-)