I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling guilty about almost EVERY little thing that has to do with my kid or my house.
If I let the dishes pile up: guilt.
If I can't remember the last time I vaccumed or dusted: guilt.
If I feed my girl anything out of the freezer or from a drive-thru: guilt.
If I go upstairs to check on her, and realize she has taken it upon herself to remove her own diaper: guilt. (And a little bit of "Oh crap!!")
But.......why? I mean, EVERY mom (and dad) has done this or had this happen to them. Why do we feel so guilty and ashamed over it? It's just life, right? Do we REALLY hold ourselves to the stereotypical 1950's standard? And if we realize that that is just plain rediculous and we're not always going to be able to keep a spotless house and make homemade meals all day and look clean and presentable, then why do we feel so bad about it when we can't do that?
I don't know.......I've come to embrace my laziness. Yes, I still feel guilt over the things I mentioned above, but then I stop to think: would *I* judge another parent for doing those exact things? Or would I think "Ah! I'm not alone!!"
Yet I still can't shake the guilty feelings.
I guess I just have to keep telling myself that it's just normal life. Maybe the guilt is a way to keep myself from becoming too lazy. (If I feel bad enough about the kitchen looking like a disaster, it'll at least motivate me to clean it. And then I feel better b/c I have a clean kitchen!)
Maybe the guilt is a side effect of the depression? Or maybe the depression worsened because of the guilt? (which came first, the chicken or the egg?)
Either way, I guess my only remedy is saying, "screw it. I'm too tired to cook, clean or shower right now. Let's see what's on t.v." and go on another day, feeling slightly guilty about 'normal' life.
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3 comments:
i woke up at 8. sent the oldest 2 off to school, put the little 2 down for naps, put a cartoon on for B and took a nap myself.
i have laundry piled up all over the house, both clean and dirty. i have 10 pop cans sitting in my room, the kids rooms need clean and i am sitting here reading blogs online.
you are right, you are not alone.
oh, and i let my kids eat swiss rolls for breakfast this morning. ;)
Ever since I got PG and a good time before that, Preston has been doing 98% of the cleaning. My first trimester, I ate fast food every day, not wanting to step a foot in the kitchen. I help out a little more in the cooking dept now, cause a girls gotta eat, but as I type he is in the kitchen cleaning up last nights mess. It does make me feel guilty, but raising a child is hard work. It in itself is a full time job. But I understand your feelings. Its especially hard when my OCD kicks in when I see him doing something I would be doing differently...but I can't bring my lazy rear up to do anything about it...LOL!!
You shouldn't feel guilty about anything. The 60's housewife was a myth. The most important thing to do is love Caroline, erything else will be okay. One day she will be grown and on her own, your house will be spotless and you will wish for the mess that goes along with the laughter from a child.
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